


What is the point?

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Sherlock Is A Bit Not Good, Suicidal Thoughts, emotional mycroft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-15 08:31:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9226802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sooooo... rewrite this silly thing again for no reason.Still mostly thesame with different words maybe.For the people who took the time before to leave kudos or a comment, thank you so much, it meant a lot to me, I remember every one of them.Still not a writer.Still english is not my first language sorry for mistakes.Hope you enjoy it





	1. Chapter 1

Nothing had changed and it annoyed him.

His friend was just fine, and it annoyed him more than he expected.

It was like she was nothing to him, like a neglected wallpaper that had been replaced whith another one.

He didn’t have anything against Dr. Jane, she was good at her job as a pathologist, a good person in general, and she could handle his friend’s moods very well, but still it felt wrong, this was her place, her kingdom, and she was its queen.

She. Nobody dared to say her name after what happened, it was almost forbidden, like if it was said out loud it would open all the wounds that didn’t even heal entirly.

All of them were mourning her, Mrs Hudson cried for days, Greg blamed himself for what happened, even his wife who didn’t have the time to know her well enough was devastated for the lost of a potential very close friend.

All of them were affected except him, he didn’t even attend her funeral, when John asked him why, his only answer was what’s the point.

He fighted the urge inside him to hit the coldheart bastard in front of him, trying one last time to remind him of the situation that surrounded them.

“Don’t you need to say your last goodbye”

He looked to him like he said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“She’s not there John, you know that” his cold voice rose the anger inside John, so he left him to the stupid experiment he was drawn in before he does something he would regret, and went to see if Mrs. Hudson got ready yet.

It was an empty coffin, there was nothing left to bury after the explosion, but they needed a closure, if it wasn't for the DNA tests and the videos from the hospital cameras, they would never even believe.

His wife told him to leave his friend alone, let him grieve in his own way, the problem was he never saw him grieving at all, he thought he would see any sign after they solved the miserable case of Moriarty, but nothing showed on the surface, he believed he wouldn’t work with the new pathologist without protesting, but he did so easily, so normally, it was killing him.

He admitted at least to himself there was a selfish reason behind his anger.

He imagined his best friend moving on after him without looking behind even once, never mourning him, he didn’t want him to suffer -maybe a little bit for what he did to him after the famous fall-but at least he wanted him to respect his absence, FOR GOD’S SAKE AT LEAST ATTEND HIS FUNERAL.

He never thought she was less than him to Sherlock, she was the woman who killed him to save him, whose her home was his safe place in the darkest times, why should it be any different for him.

He went to baker street to check on him as usual, he haven't heard from him since they solved the last case (only a four, yes he’s taking those now, he wonders why).

“What do you think of Jane?” He didn’t know where this came from, espicially when it came in accusing tone.

“Who?” Sherlock didn’t even get his eyes off his microscope.

“Jane, the new pathologist, you know, the one who took Molly’s place”

He got his head up for the first time since John entered the room.

“Why don’t you say what is bothering you John, and save both our time”

He gave his full attention now to the man sitting in front of him, John didn’t expect that.

“why do you think something is bothering me?” John said with his angry smile.

“Why don’t you tell me so we get over it?”

John was boiling with anger, and he was sitting there calm, he rose from his seat, looking away from his friend, trying to control his temper.

“You didn’t go to her funeral, never visited her grave once” though he wanted to keep calm, his voice was shaking.

“ it looks like you have early symptoms of alzeihemer and need to check, I told you john there is no point”

“FOR GOD’S SAKE SHERLOCK SHE WAS YOUR FRIEND” he shouted.

John closed his eyes for a moment, trying to relax.

“How could you not mourn her even a little, I know you don’t deal with emotions like the most of us” he breathed deep.  
“But really how could you?” His voice was low at the end, hurt.

“Again John, what would be the point?” still calm.

John was about to attack him to wipe the coldness out of his face, to make him feel anything, act as human, but Sherlock continued.

“What’s the point John of admitting she was nothing to me at all, or she was every good thing exist in me, the love I fighted for years and all for nothing?”

The doctor didn’t blink.

“She’s gone John, in spite all my attempts to keep her away from me, away from my demons, and after all of that, I lost her, with the hand of my enemies, ironic don’t you think?” He laughed bitterly.

John needed to sit down, his legs weren’t holding him anymore, he swallowed hard looking to his friend, he was still cold, but he could see it for the first time, the call for help in his eyes, he was the one pushing him to talk, he knew now he needed to get all that out of his chest.

John swallowed hard, trying to find the right words.

“You can’t keep all this inside you Sherlock, you need to deal with your feelings, we can help” he didn’t recognize his voice, trying to be strong, sounding anything but that.

“Yeees why not” Sherlock said sarcastically, then he rose up.

“Maybe if I revealed my feelings the pain would go away” then he looked to him.

“Or maybe better it would bring her back”

He looked up to the ceiling  
“I love you Molly” he said in theatrical way, and rolled in his place searching.

“Maybe this time it will work” still sarcastic.

“I LOVE YOU MOLLY” he yelled again but his voice was shaking.

“I LOVE YOU MOLLY” he shouted one more time louder, eyeing the ceiling for a long moment, looking like a desperate man waiting for a miracle to fall.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them and looked to his friend they were filled with tears.

“See, no point at all” he smiled.

The doctor wanted to get up, it was the second time he felt like hugging the man in front of him, but he couldn’t get up, he was paralyzed.

Sherlock reached his chair again, gaining back his cold eyes.

“If you have a better way to make this pain go away, John, I beg you to show it to me, till then, let me deal with it the only way I can” he lowered his eyes to the microscope, the topic never got opened again.

  
The government was busy, as always.  
He heard the clicks of his assistant’s heels.

Without getting his head up of the file between his hand he told her to leave the file she held for later, he knew it was the updates of his brother’s status, he had more important things to do.

She slammed the file on his disk, making him look at her in surprise.

“You need to see it Mycroft” he sighed heavily and took the file, she never used his name here unless there was a bomb about to explode all over their faces, personal bomb, she was right as usual.


	2. Chapter 2

He entered his empty house with heavy steps.

The case was painfully easy, didn’t need much time to solve, to make him forget even for while.

He eyed the tea and biscuits on the table with disinterest, he didn’t eat for days but today wasn’t the day too, he got rid of them.

He prepared himself for his daily meeting, maybe today he will have the courage.

He reached his cupboard, removing his clothes from one shelf, he pulled out a simple plate of wood, revealing a secret place containing a small bag.

He took the little bag, put it in front of him on the table and sat on his chair.

‘take me and all your misery will be over’  
the little bag of freedom promised.

“How dare you throw away the beautiful gifts you were born with, and how dare you betray the love of your friend”  
He heard her like she was here, he felt his cheeks hurt like she just slapped him.

Her words rang through his mind over and over, torturing him, as harsh they were, he could feel her fear and concern in them, she really cared for him, nobody would care for him as she did, he thought.

Every time he tried to reach the bag, her beautiful disappointed eyes pushed him away.

you can’t disappoint a dead person, he thought trying to convince himself there was no point, she wouldn’t know.

But he couldn’t.

He didn’t know why was that very hard, there was no logic about it, he did dissapoint her endless times when she was alive, how could it be harder in her absence.

Since the day she left him, he went in his days as usual, as normal, and got back home in the night for the same meeting with the same result, hoping he will have the courage one time to change the end of it.

He got up to hide it again, just in time before he heard the sound of foot steps and an umbrella torturing the stairs.

He hoped for a second his dear brother was coming with a gift, the Eastern Europe mission, but he dismissed the ideas as fast as it came, he was a hero now in their standards, they needed him alive more than dead, he hated it.

His brother finally reached the entrance, he was holding a blue file between his fingers, a good case he hoped, he was desperate for any distraction.

“Hello brother mine, what is the misfortune reason that make you come to visit” he greeted him smiling, sitting on his seat in his usual defensive position he takes every time his brother comes.

Mycroft didn’t say a word, he entered and sat on the client chair, putting the file on the table next to him, he eyed his brother, he went silent for a moment, looked like thinking of what he wanted to say with less possible damage, Sherlock didn’t say a word, it was a sight to behold and he was enjoing it.

“I owe you an apologie” he finally talked, looking…guilty!

Maybe I was wrong, maybe the mission is still available for me, Sherlock thought, daring to hope.

“I think you owe my a lo..”

“Let me finish Sherlock” he said exasperated, but when wasn’t he.

Sherlock rose his hands up in defence, making funny face.

The government frowned, and took a deep breath before he started again.

“It was my idea, but it was her choice to make it permanent” his voice was low.

“She said she got nothing left for her here,nobody would miss her for long, she needed a peaceful life”

it can’t be, Sherlock thought.

“I provided her a very safe life, a very dull-he said with discust-but nice job, I kept an eye on her, she looks…happy”

He can’t be talking about her, she would never hurt me this way, the consultant detective thought, still not believing his brother meant what he said.

Mycroft stopped for a minute studying his brother, he was near to a statue, almost not breathing, but he knew better, he knew there was a war inside him tearing him apart.

He wasn’t wrong, Sherlock felt berayed at first, how could she do this to him, leave him to his own demons, doesn’t she know she was his savior, the light that pushed them all away no matter how dark they were.

Then he felt anger, she said nobody would miss her, how dare she think so little of herself, she was loved, she had friends, she had him.

Finally he felt guilt, in which world she had him, he never told her how he felt for her, never showed any kind of affection, too terrified to admit even to himself, afraid to lose her till he did, even his best friend thought he wasn’t affected at all in the time he was tearing apart every second.

“Every thing about her is in this file, the city I chose for her, her job location…” Mycroft said eyeing the file.

“I hope you take the right decision” leave her alone, let her have her chances to have a normal life, he almost heard the government admonishing him.

But he was wrong this time, it was his mind telling him to do that.

Old Mycroft would agree with him though, caring is not adventage was the rule he was living by, but the new one, he wanted the hapiness he got for his brother.

It started one year ago,

‘I don’t need you to protect me Myke, i know how to do that, all I need is simply you’ he could still hear her Kind voice.

‘what if it was illness or a car accident, or any silly normal cause that took me from you’ she smiled.

'losing your loved ones for death will affect you anyway no matter what was the reason, I thought you’re smarter than that’ she teased him.

She hold his hand between her small hands “all we could do is live our current days the way we wish, and my only wish is to be with you”

Her simple words broke the last brick of the prison he built around himself in his early years, gave him the strength to accept his feelings for her he tried to fight all this time, she destroyed his defences brick by brick by her kindness, patience and love for him, it took her years, but she never gave up, she had faith on him.

She was his stength since that day.

He never felt weak when she was with him, he was powerful and strong, he had to be for her.

Back to the current situation, he found his brother in lost, looking to the file with unfocused eyes, he felt guilty, it was him who filled his head with all those poisoned ideas, in his defence he believed them then, he was more than proud when he turned THE Woman down, but now he recognized his errors, and he didn’t want his little brother to discover it as late as he did, he wanted him happy.

Mycroft rose from his chair heading to the door, he stopped on his track and turned to face his brother one last time.

“We all know the value of what we had when we lose it, but not all of us are lucky to have a second chance to win it back, I trust you to be wise enough to know what to do” he left the building demanding the driver to hurry up, he needed to reach his home, he needed to reach his Anthea.

Sherlock didn’t move for another hour, looking to the file sitting on the table waiting to reveal its secrets.

She is alive, his Molly was alive, and she went very far to get rid of him.

He had two options, and neither one of them was easy.

Let her go, leaving her to live her new life, his brother said she was happy now, he imagined her with new friends, new husband, lookalikes kids cause the world needed more Molly on it.

But he was a selfish man, he knew if she would accept him back, if he had any tiny chance to be with her, around her, he wouldn’t miss it, he shook his head in disgust, he felt disgusted of himself, why can’t you let her be happy, what if you hurt her again, this time beyond repair, what good would you be for her then, he shouted at himself.

Another horibble thought came to him, it was more logical, what if she wouldn’t take him back, what if he pushed her away she finally moved on, to the length of faking her death.

_'No no no, she needed to leave to move on, if she got over me already she wouldn’t do what she did, she needed the space.’_

_'You’re so egoistic bastard, who said it was about you, you’re not the center of her life, you’re nothing to her anymore.’_

“Arghhhhhh, SHUT UP” he groaned loudly holding his head, getting up off his chair kicking it, trying to shut up the voices inside.

He breathed deeply, walking slowly to the file like it would get scared and vanish if he walked fast.

He held it with shaking hands, opened it and memorized every single word, he stored the informations on the most secured room in his palace, then burned the file to ashes.

He didn’t visit the room for two months, till he took his decision.


	3. Chapter 3

He watched her at her work.

His heart beatings bounded fast he felt his heart would stop functioning if it went any faster so he put his hand on his heart to calm it a bit.

Hearing she’s alive was a thing, seeing her with his own eyes was another.

He decided this morning he needed her back, how, he didn’t know yet, but his life without her was a living hell, that’s why he couldn’t stay away entirely from her all those past years.

He was about to head to the train station when his brother message came.

My plane is ready whenever you are…MH

If it was any other time, any other situation, he wouldn’t let Mycroft hear the end of his aggressive responses for intruding his personal life after removing every single bug from his house.

Today, saying that he didn’t mind it would be a poor description of what he felt.

Mycroft chose her job very well too, he had to admit, at a nursery, after all, pure souls like hers connect easily together.

He grinned when he saw her laughing, she was standing with her colleagues, wearing silly colorful jumper.

Somethings never changed, he thought looking to her, wishing her feelings for him was one of those things.

Her hair was shorter now, decorated with a pink bow, the cut suited her, it made her look younger.

 _‘She looks happy Sherlock’_ his inner John comented.

“Shut up” he murmured.

_‘It can’t be possible you missed her lipstick and blusher, she’s trying to impress someone and am sure it’s working’_

“I said shut up” he growned with low voice.

_'she moved on Sherlock, I think it’s your time to finally say your last goodbye’_

Sherlock shook his head, trying to clear his head, detach this ideas away, no matter how true they sounded.

He was stumped to the floor, his inner John was winning with every laugh and smile she had, he was about to give up to him, doing exactly what he told him, then he saw it.

 

* * *

 

 

She really hoped the bus won’t take a long time to arrive, she didn’t like to stay alone.

When she was with other people, she could feel normal, she could forget, but when she was alone, she remembered all, her old-her traitorous heart always called it real- life haunted her all her lonely time.

The job she loved and excelled, the friends she left behind, the blue greenish eyes that tortured her in her dreams.

That was why she buried herself in her job and social events, she didn’t miss one.

She met Carl in one of them, he was everything her formal -she still has no clue what exactly were they- wasn’t, gentle, not taller than her by lot, brown kind eyes, and she could tell he really admires her.

She had it all, a nice job, good friends, a possible successful relationship, but she couldn’t remove the idea from her mind that this was a great life, but it wasn’t hers.

No, no she made the right decision, she couldn’t take it anymore, there was nothing left for her.

Her friends would move on eventually, forgetting her.

He wouldn't feel any change, she chose the new pathologist herself, lookalike her, sweet, hard worker, loves to do expermient, he won't get affected at all.

She had to move on too.

Most of her friends were married and with children now, she didn’t see them anymore, she couldn’t blame them for giving her the tiniest of their times, she was happy for them of course, but she felt more abandoned year after year.

For her job, it wasn’t any better.

A young pregrant wife and an only child for a lovely parents received their last goodbyes by their families in front of her with less then a week between them.

A man in the same age and ironically the same physical form of her love ended up on her slab, he overdosed, she cried the whole autopsy.

Knowing what he did was the final straw that broke it all.

He killed a man, went in a death mission, overdosed, and came back while she knew nothing, she was nothing to him, she finally accepted, she knew she would never stop loving him too, she thought bitterly.

So when Mycroft holmes appeared in her front door with the magical solution, she didn’t even think, she just took it.

“I assure you Dr. Hooper, it won’t take much time before you get back, your life, your job position and your home will be here for you when it’s safe again”

“What if I don’t want to”

“I believe Dr. Hooper we don’t have a choice for this matter, Moria…”

“No, Mr. Holmes, you got me wrong, what if I don’t want to come back”

She remembered their conversation like it was yesterday, every word of it, her opportunity to have a normal life, it felt then, her perfect cure from the consultant detective.

She didn’t feel much cured, he was surrounding her, her thoughts, her dreams, he was everywhere. Maybe she needed more time, she told herself.

She shook her head to get rid of those dark thoughts, getting her phone out of her purse to text one of her friends.

Before she could send her text, she heard a voice she didn’t hear for months and never thought she would hear it again.

  
“ you look sad”


	4. Chapter 4

Her mind was playing games with her.

He couldn't be standing there, looking to her with his beautiful eyes like she was the most precious thing in the world.

"You look sad when you think no one watching" he continued.

Her lazy mind put her words on his lips.

 _If you are going to make him look real, sound real, at least give him his own words_ , she admonished her imagination.

The bus came, she took her eyes away from him, hurrying to catch it without looking back, _it is just my imagination_ , she told herself.

She sat on the nearest seat she could reach, and took a deep breath, before she exhaled it she saw him coming near her, she closed her eyes, _maybe if I closed them enough time he would vanish_.

She felt a weight on the seat next to her, she cursed quietly, and opened her eyes, he was sitting next to her, the same look on his face.

"Excuse me dear" before she could say anything she heard an old woman from behind addressing him.

"I couldn't help but notice, you're the nice boy from the papers who solve crimes, aren't you?"

She was having a nightmare, that was the only explaination, she looked through the window, trying to isolate herself from the scene next to her.

"Yes, yes, not boy but yes" she could hear him smiling.

"Awww I'm a big big fan of you, are you here for a case, or just visiting?"

"a case" 

He stopped for a second.

"the most important case in my entire life" his voice was deep and low.

"But where's your partner, the cute one, I must say you are lovely together"

"He got other things to do, you know after ** _he got married and had a baby"_** she couldn't help but giggle and look to him, he said it very slowly and very loudly.

He looked to her.

"Not to say I am the one who must fix it, nobody else".

 _Why you look to me like that_.

"Well I wish you luck darling" the old lady said with a smile.

He only smiled back, they didn't talk the rest of the ride.

She reached her destination, he followed.

" do you have a place to stay?" She asked not looking at him, while getting her keys out to open the door.

"Yes, yours" he answered with voice full of confidence.

She rolled her eyes, amazing, leaving a whole life behind just for him to have another bolt hole in another city for solving cases, she cursed Mycroft in her head again, it was the ninth time.

They entered her house, not home, just house.

"I need some coffee" _well maybe three_ , she thought.

"Would you like a cup?" She couldn't forget her manners.

"Yes, please" he was looking around the flat now.

She rolled her eyes, _another deduction from the only consultant detective is coming to hit you on the face_ , she thought.

"Anybody else know?"she asked while filling the boiler, like it would make a different, the only one she didn't want to know was standing in front of her, making deductions about her all over again.

"No, just me, Mycroft didn't tell anybody else"

She gritted her teeth and gave him her back.

"He promised me" she said with voice filled with more then annoyance, she felt betrayed.

"I know, he told me" she looked to him with a frown, he was facing her, the look in his eyes was the same, but more intense, he didn't even blink.

"He had no choice"

She breathed and closed her eyes, trying to focus on the mission in her hand.

She didn't sign for this.

She didn't care what was the reason, but he promised her this new clean life.

she didn't go through all that just to find herself in the same agony with a new different name.

She held the cups and gave him his, he touched her fingers gently, she was nearly going to drop the cup.

She couldn't move, just staring at him like he stared at her, she didn't know how long they stood this way, it felt like eternity.

"So, what is the important case you were talking about?" She said in hurry after withdrawing her hand fast from his, almost running to the nearest chair.

"I don't think I could help though, maybe just by my spare room, but no more, so don't get your hopes high" she was talking fast.

 _And stop looking at me like that_.

"It's one of the hardest cases I've ever had" he said in serious tone while sitting on the chair in front of her.

She could feel his unease, the uncertainty in his eyes, and yet she could see hope too, she allowed herself to feel worry about him,she didn't say a word, waiting for him to continue.

"I'm here to win you back Molly" there was no humor on his voice, he was dead serious, that was why she laughed.

She never laughed that hard before she almost fell off her chair.

"Win.me.back" she said between her laughter.

And they say her jokes are morbid.

"What on earth are you talking about Sherlock?" She was suppressing her giggles, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand to remove the tears from the laughing, she knew they weren't just from that.

He didn't say a word, just gazing at her.

"To win someone back, you need to have them first" she told him slowly like teaching a little boy 1+1=2.

"So tell me when exactly you had me?" she asked.

"You used me, yes, maybe manipulated me a little, but you didn't have me Sherlock" she stated as fact.

"Every smile, every wink, all the flirtings were meant only to get what you want, and am sure what you wanted it wasn't me" her voice was getting stronger with every word.

 She grinned "even when I thought you finally considered me as a friend, stupid me"she chuckled, looking away.

"I was going to settle to that you know, being just a friend" she said facing him again.

"But you never considered me even that, did you?" She nodded not waiting his answer.

"You didn't even care to say goodbye" she knew he caught what she meant.

"So don't come here, looking to me this way, acting like I am the most important thing in existence and expect that I would believe you" she finished with that.

He didn't say anything for a while, just staring at her, he looked exhausted after what she said.

He sighed and got up suddenly, he was coming toward her, never getting his eyes away from hers, she flinched a little, feeling uncomfortable.

He bent to his knees in front of her, her eyes were wide open, what exactly was he doing?

He took one hand between his, touching it gently, she was frozen.

He put her fingers on the pulse point on one of his wrists.

"Tell me what do you **_feel_**?" he asked looking at her.

She didn't say a word, there are countless reasons why his pulse could be going this fast, she tried to pull her hand away but he didn't let her go.

"Alright, what about my eyes, what do you **_see_**?"

She saw it once before when he asked her for help to fake his death, she dreamt before his dilated pupils were meant for her, only dreamt, her logical part of mind always brought her back to reality that it was just the darkness, nothing more, but why they were the same now, her mind failed to find an answer.

She began to feel tears coming out of her eyes, she fighted them with all the power she had, she couldn't turn back to this weak pethatic woman again.

She tried to pull her hand away again, but he tightened his hands more.

"Let me go Sherlock" she said with harsh voice, trying to gain her strength back.

"You can bet with my life I will never do that" he said laughing, his eyes began to hold tears.

She had a hard time to suppress her sobs.

Her traitorous heart wanted to believe what she deduced.

Her mind and logic were leaving her with no help.

she saw him before, she knew when he lied, when he faked, when he manipulated, not only her, others too, she saw nothing of all that now, all she could see was the vulnerability in his eyes while he knelt in front of her.

"I could apologise for the rest of my life" he said sincerely. 

"for everything I did, from turning you off that day you asked me out when I desperately wanted to accept"he stopped closing his eyes for a moment before he continued.

"to leaving without saying goodbye cause I was such a coward" he looked down.

"I couldn't stand before you knowing it would be the last time" his voice was getting lower with every word.

"I could apologize for every thing Molly and you still wouldn't believe me" he said looking to her eyes again.

She wanted to say anything at all, but her mind went blank, it was like she was outside her body, like she was able to watch but not to get involved.

"I could declare my love for you" he said frowning.

"I love you Molly" he rose his voice and grinned.

"I love you" he said it again, she could feel his breathing and pulse going slower and steadier,  like there was a rock on his chest that just rolled away, if she just knew how right she was.

"But maybe you would think I manipulate you like you thought before".

"So I demand you Molly to take my pulse and look into my eyes and tell me what you see" he ordered her with shaking voice.

She couldn't find her voice, all the words she knows were now foreign, she couldn't think of one proper sentence.

He was still glaring at her with teary eyes.

"Please Molly" his voice ripped her heart out of her chest.

"Please see me again" he begged her.

Silence filled the small room for long time, he was waiting her answer, laying his heart and soul in front of her, he never felt that vulnerable before, yet he felt free.

Saying what he said out loud made him feel released.

He kept secrets before, others and his own secrets, her love was the heaviest one he ever held. 

"I don't want to get hurt again" was all she could whisper and think of.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

'I'm here to win you back  ** _Molly'_ ** determination.

She heard her name from his lips more than she could count, every time with different way, different feeling.

_well maybe he couldn't work with Jane and wants his pet back._

her mind was shutting her down, building barriers between her and the confession that she was desperate to believe.

 _'_ I could apologise for every thing  ** _Molly'_** sincere and guilt.

_You don't really believe this nonsense, he didn't care for you, that's why he left with no word, you weren't even worth of a word!_

'I love you  ** _Molly'_** happiness and freedom.

_How lovely, I bet Janine felt the same when he proposed._

'I demand you  _ **Molly**_ to take my pulse' order and pleading.

_Another trick, he's a genius, you know._

'Please  ** _Molly'_** begging and desperation.

_Remember the drug use?_

she wanted to bloody scream, her mind and her heart were tearing her apart in a mental war only she was the loser in it.

Everything went quiet in her head after a while, her thoughts went numb, she couldn't think but one thought.

"I don't want to get hurt again" she whispered to herself.

She got up suddenly, finally able to free her hands from his tight hold.

She didn't know what to do, she went really far to be free from all -whatever the hell this is but it wasn't good- to the length of leaving everything behind for good.

He was looking at her with eyes still filled with plead, sitting in the chair she just left.

"Sherlock, I..." _love you, can't trust you, am mad at you,_ she didn't know what to say.

"I took a decision I can't take it back, I just can't go back after leaving this way" 

She didn't lie, maybe this wasn't the only reason, but she really dreaded to face all the people she fooled, she was there when Sherlock faked his death, she saw how devastated they were, she wasn't sure they would accept her back.

"I built a life here, and I'm happy about it" her voice was shaking, she faked a smile.

"No, you're not" he said with a low tone.

"YES I AM" she yelled.

He looked to her with that look and got up, she hated that look, he was about to deduce her.

"Few furnitures, less than expected, crime novels instead of romance, nothing personal to get attached to, minimum lighting, never cooked a single meal, you're practically living on takeovers, the only emotional belong in this flat is the poster of a cat from the net that looks like yours in your room, it's like you're living in a motel, waiting to go home" he said with one breath.

She couldn't help but to feel attacked, he was attacking her with the truth she ran away from all the past months, she hated him in this moment.

Tears were starting to show up on her eyes.

"At least I am in peace" she said with sad smile, grabbing the bracelet she wore with her fingers.

"I deserve to be happy" she said nodding, looking down, closing her eyes, remembering why she did what she did.

"And I didn't find it there" she shaked her head, almost tearing the bracelet with her fingers.

 _I didn't find it with you,_ he heard her cristal clear.

She was shutting him off, he could see the bridge he tried to build to reach her crashing to pieces with every word she was saying.

His breath went harsh, he could feel panic getting hold on him, his heart beatings going faster with every second, he was losing her.

This wasn't happening.

He needed to think fast, say anything, do anything.

She saw him standing there like a statue with disbelief written on his face, she couldn't know what was he thinking, he was just staring to her till he sighed and said the unexpected

"I'm hungry" he said tired.

She didn't know how to answer.

One moment he is convincing her to come back with him, now he wants to eat!

"You didn't eat anything after work too, right?" He said in hurry, walking to the door, reaching for his belstaff.

"Erm No" she mumbled quietly.

"Alright then, I'll go get some food, Chinese?" he smiled to her while wearing his belstaff.

"O..OK!" She said surprised by the sudden change.

He left with no other word.

 _"SHERLOCK, STOP!"_ His inner John shouted running down the stairs after him.

He didn't look back.

 _"just listen, this is not the answer"_ John was yelling, having a hard time to catch him.

Sherlock kept walking, never turning his head.

 _"You could lose her for good this time"_ John screamed, trying for the last time, his logic tried for the last time.

He closed the door of the building from outside, trapping John inside, and walked to his destination.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

He left to get something to eat!

He wore his belstaff, faked a smile and.just.left.

She stood there trying to process what happened.

Who leave in the middle of heartbreaking argument because he’s hungry?!

Maybe it was heartbreaking only for me.

She sat down and closed her eyes, he didn’t try to say anything, he didn’t try to assure her of his said love.

He just left.

She felt a cold hand grabbing her heart, what if he left for good, never coming back.

She shivered from the thought, surprising herself how unease this made her feel.

 _Wasn’t that what you were seeking for_?

She looked to the door, wondering if the bill would ring again.

She wondered for a long time, longer than it should be.

She smiled sadly to herself, nodding her head.

This is for the best, she tried to convince herself with that.

If what he said was true, if he meant any word, he would have fought for her.

Her track of thoughts was interrupted with the sound of the bill, she stopped breathing till it rang again.

She got up and opened the door and here he was, standing with chinese food’s bag and a huge smile on his face!

He hurried inside, moving enthusiastically to the kitchen.

She was standing still holding the door’s handle with wide eyes.

A warm feeling touched her heart, she couldn’t help but to feel nostalgia.

How many days did he show in her door steps before.

How many nights did he spend with her cause he needed a place to think.

How many times did she force him into eating something with one glare.

She missed those days.

She shook her head, and joined him while he emptied the bag’s contains cheerfully.

* * *

 

She could remember them sitting on the table eating calmly, she allowed herself to enjoy the normality that surrounded them, forgetting for a while the elephant in the room, he didn't seem to have any intention to point it too.

She could remember him getting his phone out showing her pictures of his little goddaughter, she laughed hard when he said her name, Charlotte Watson, he grinned and told her it was the hardest negotiation he went through, he had to compromise.

She could remember him talking how things were going disasterously in the morgue as he described.

He told her about their friends, she felt guilt and sorrow when he mentioned Greg and how he blamed himself for what happened, he was like a brother to her, she never meant to hurt him this way, he was able to see the change on her face, he smiled sweetly and got up suddenly.

She could remember him going to the kitchen again with no warning, and coming back with two cups of herbal tea and another fake smile, he shrugged and said the coffee went cold and it’s late for coffee anyway, she found it a nice gesture, _the talk can wait for now_ , she thought drinking her tea.

But she couldn’t remember when did she go to sleep.

 

* * *

 

She couldn’t open her eyes at first, she was warm and comfort, she didn’t want to get up at all.

Then she remembered all that, suddenly getting up and opening her eyes in horror.

This wasn’t her room.

She almost screamed his name for help.

But she stopped when his smell was all over the place.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment and tried to focus when she opened them again and took a good look through the room.

A known skull glaring at her from the table in front of her.

_Oh no.._

A violin on the chair next to her bed.

_God no.._

A very known purple shirt hanging on the back of the same chair.

_HELL NO.._

she got up on hurry almost losing her balance, she sat again for a moment to gain it back.

She began to be aware of different voices coming from outside the room when she stood in front of the door.

It was like the third war started outside the room.

She opened the door a little to recognize what they were saying.

"This is not what I meant when I said to be WISE!!!" Mycroft's voice.

"You can't just abduct a citizen in my plane!!!" Very angry Mycroft's voice.

"Then what was the point of giving it to me" Sherlock's calm smirking voice.

She heard a loud groan, it must be Mycroft.

"Not good my friend, not good at all" John admonishing voice.

_God how many of them outside?_

_"_ come on, I think it's a romantic gesture" Mary's voice.

_Please let all of this be dream._

"thank you Mary" Sherlock said cheerfully.

"A weird sick one but still"

"Oooi!" 

"Oh go easy on him, she's here and safe, that's all what matter right now" Mrs.Hudson's kind voice.

"She really didn't want to come back?!" Greg's voice.

The last one made her take a step back, he sounded hurt and angry.

"Molly darling are you going eavesdrop the whole day? After all this is your party" sherlock said with nice voice.

She didn't want to get out, she didn't know how she would react, but they were waiting for her, she could hear all the voices die when he called for her.

She took a deep breath, she could kill him later, now she will face her demons.

She opened the door with hesitation and left the room with unsteady steps.

All eyes were on her, hers were on him.

He was sitting on his favorite chair with china cup on hand, and big poster with MOLLY IS BACK on it in the back.

He dared beaming to her.

"Dear lord" A sounded sob made her look next to her.

Mrs.Hudson.

She suddenly was pulled to the old woman's arms, she squeezed hard it was difficult to breath.

"I didn't believe, I didn't believe him even after the photo, I thought he made it with one of the new silly programs" Mrs.Hudson said sobbing.

As she saw days later, it was a picture of him and her on plane seats, her sleeping and him with a rediculous shocking face, guess who's back written under it.

She finally released her in time, cupping her cheeks and checking her, she really needed to breathe again.

"Oh my poor girl, you lost half your weight, don't they have any food where you live?" She said in a motherly tone looking really worried.

She only smiled kindly, she couldn't find her voice, it was too much to take.

"Dr. Hooper" Mycroft Holmes started talking to her.

 _If only looks could kill_.

 "I find myself giving those more often these days than my entire life" he said in disgust.

"But I guess I owe you an apologie for my brother's behavior" he said looking guilty.

"I assure you it won't just pass" he said looking to his brother admonishing him.

_Like you assured me no one would know?_

Mary didn't give her a time to reply, she hugged her fast, greeting her, as well as John, it was like they agreed not to give her time to process what was happening around her.

Greg didn't approach her at first, she could feel him boiling in rage, but when he saw her moving to him and saying her soft apology, he couldn't help but to hug her, she was always a close friend, she must have her reasons, and he would wait for her to come and explain as she always did when it's suitable for her.

Sherlock didn't try to leave his chair the whole time, she tried to forget his existance in the same room, not to think of what he did, she found it unfair to take her internal war outside in front of their friends.

They didn't stay for long, every one was making a different excuse to leave, she just knew.

She didn't say a word for a while, she stood giving her back to him.

"You drugged me" she whispered.

"You were exhausted, in need for good sleep" he said sweetly.

"Kidnapped me" she began to turn facing him, still whispering.

"It was a surprise party" he said cheerfully.

"I almost had a heart attack" her voice was going harsher, pointed to the room she left.

He got up moving toward her "now you're overreacting I left clues eve..."

"Shut up" she yelled making him stop.

"Don't get any closer and just.shut.up" she said raising her hand to make him stop.

He pinned to the floor.

She looked to him with shocking expression.

"Is this your big plan?" She laughed with a mocking tone.

"Forcing me into this choice, awww poor Molly won't have anywhere else to go, nothing else to do" 

He didn't say a word.

She frowned and continue.

"You think if I ever stayed everything would go back to normal just like that" she waved her hand.

"what makes you even think for a second I would stay" she said quietly, her angry smile could put fear in the heart of the bravest men.

She could see the blood draining from his face drip by drip, but she couldn't stop.

He can't push her to the corner and expect nothing.

"What exactly would stop me from going back right now?" She asked daring him.

He didn't move, his - white as ghost - face was empty of any kind of expression.

"There is no.big.plan" he murmured.

"Oh I wish there was a.big.plan where I'm 100% sure of the result" he trembled.

"When it comes to you all my thoughts, all my equations, every single trial come to error and I don't know what to do" he chuckled.

"From the second Mycroft told me till now, I was in a total endless chaos" 

He swallowed hard, closing his eyes in pain.

"I only wanted you to know you are more than missed" he said in determination.

"That you are wanted, and needed ... and loved" the last word was half a grin and half a sob.

He sniffed and looked annoyed for a moment.

"Because you know, I love you" he stated a fact, wondering why she didn't believe him.

He ran his hands over his hair and passed few steps.

"I can't promise you it would be easy, that I won't mess up"

"I AM A MESS" he said grinning louder.

"All I can promise I'll try my best to the last day of my life to be the man you deserve" his lips trembled again.

He stopped for a moment to take several breaths, looking down.

When he looked to her again, she could feel him fighting the words he wanted to say, he ran his hands over his hair again.

"Nothing" he looked to her giving up and whispered, she frowned, didn't know what he meant.

He took another deep breath before he continued.

"Nobody else knew, just them" he looked to the door where his friends left a while ago.

"They were just glad to know you're alive, I believe no one would annoy you If you choose to leave" the words hurt him physically.

"Nothing can stop you Molly, if you really want to go back there"

He stopped for a moment, he swallowes hard.

"go back to him" he pointed to the bracelet she was twisting all the time.

She looked down to the bracelet, it was a gift from Carl, when she asked him what for he just smiled shyly and said just because.

He knew.

He smiled his sad smile, the one she saw before when she told him about Tom.

"He seems a very nice decent man" he said quietly.

The last words broke him, he reached his chair and sank.

"It's all up to you Molly" he said giving up.

She heard him saying the words, his I love you words, she felt his beatings going fast between her fingers, she saw his pupils dilated.

But she didn't accept the idea till just this moment.

She wasn't in the losing side, at least not alone, it wasn't only him who has the power to hurt her, she saw now that she held the same power.

The idea terrified her.

She was standing saying nothing, twisting his bracelet with her finger.

Every twist felt like she was twisting a knife deeper and deeper through his aching heart.

She looked to him, looking determined.

He braced himself for whatever she decides.

Why would she choose him when she apparently found what she was seeking for with somebody better, he thought bitterly.

"He's an amazing man" she said smiling.

If it was even possible his smile went sadder.

 _Ok that's enough_.

"But I'm in love with an idiot, so it probably won't work" she said shrugging.

She nodded to herself than looked back to him.

"God help me but I'm in love with an idiot" she grinned.

The look on his face was unbearable, she couldn't stand it and took her eyes away from him.

She looked to the mirror next to her and gasped in shock looking to her dishevelled hair.

"You are so dead" she admonished him trying to make it better with her hands.

"How could you make me meet..." she stopped suddenly when she felt him next to her.

Her heart beatings went fast

He took her hand and touched her wrist.

He looked uncertain.

"I .. I need.." he said stammering.

"I love you Sherlock" she didn't let him finish his request.

If somebody told her a year ago she would need to verbalize her love to Sherlock to assure him, she would put him under 48 hours supervision.

He looked to her in the eyes in disbelief for a moment than grinned in relief.

He closed the distance and held her waist, ready to kiss her, but she pulled her head back a little.

"I'm still mad at you" she said dead serious.

"Yes of course understandable" he mumbled leaning again.

She pulled back again.

"We will need to take things slowly" 

"All the time you need" he leaned again, she pulled again.

"We will need to trust each others, I will trust you with my heart Sherlock" 

"And you will trust if I am your choice you will always be mine" he smiled deeply and leaned again.

She tried to pull away again and tease him but he put his hand on the back of her head to stop her.

"Molly, no offence, but I'm trying to kiss you here, so please shut up" she wanted to grin but his lips touched hers so gently, he held her like a precious treasure at first, like she would break.

Then it changed, his kiss went deeper, more desperate and passionate, he tightened his arms around her in a possessive way, it felt like he would never let go, she wished he would never let go.

They parted under the urge of the next boring breathe, she was holding his collar for balance, she felt dizzy for a moment.

"Alright" she said panting.

"I hope your spare room will be ready when I come back" she said with a smile moving away from him..

He frowned "my spare ro... wait a second coming back from where?"

She rolled her eyes.

"I need to go back Sherlock to end things properly, I can't just leave like that this time"

"But the spare room..." he whined, but stopped when she raised an eyebrow.

He sighed.

"Ok" he resigned.

She grinned

"good, you know you can wait for me with a bouquet when I come back, it would be so nice of you" she said moving toward the spare room.

His eyes widened.

"Now you torture me deliberately, I AM COMING WITH YOU MOLLY" he shouted running toward the room.

 

* * *

 

Mycroft Holmes was greeted with the smell of fresh baked cake when he entered his home.

The smell was divine.

His wife was sitting on the couch with book on her hand and a cup of hot beverage.

"Cake" he said beaming.

"Updates first" she smirked.

He rolled his eyes. And joined her.

She moved a little for him, he sat and circled his arm around her.

"She's internally angry, she didn't show it, but the looks she gave me" he shivered a little.

"She will forgive you later darling, you made the right decision" she said assuring him.

"I don't blame her, what Sherlock did was childish and reckless" he said with angry voice 

"Oh yes, right, but just to know why did you give him your plane?" She asked supressing her giggles.

He dared to look shocked.

"I didn't know he would behave this way" she raised her eyebrow.

"Well I didn't know he would drug her" he said resigning.

"He still has a lot to learn" he shook his head.

"Look who's talking" she said with a smirk.

"When did I ever..." 

"Germany" she reminded him, he paled a little bit.

She grinned.

He frowned a little but then sighed and relaxed in his seat.

"I'll give them three months" he smiled proudly.

"No, one" 

"You want to bet"

"If you want to lose your money who am I to argue" she said grinning.

He grinned back ready to kiss her when a message came.

He pulled his mobile out rolling his eyes.

She wants to go back without me.. SH

he frowned "actually two.." another message came.

HELP ME.. SH

He sighed and thrown his mobile on the table.

"You win" she grinned and kissed him gently.

A mewl of a ball of fur made them broke the kiss when it jumped on Mycroft lap.

Anthea looked sad.

"I guess we will have to return him back" 

Mycroft patted Toby's head, the trouble maker looked very comfort sitting there.

"There is no rush, let us give them the space they need" he said with a smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
